Journey

I changed my life for you
What made me think you held so much more?
As if my world wasn't bad enough
You nailed my feet and heart to the floor.

I've dragged this chain behind me for years
Held myself responsible for your loss
My mind's eye held your face before me, mocking
My ridicule for myself was stronger than your words could be

I don't know where I'm headed to
Can only see where I've been
It should have been me on that far shore
Watching you make this journey across
But here I am, watching the rain pour in
Sitting still as I slowly drown

The fantasy of you still in my mind
Not sure how to erase what you've left behind
These doors have closed forever now
Can't chance what lies behind them one more time

The fine line I'm walking has disappeared
All that's left are faint traces of what I used to be
I'm not stronger now, just more tired
Can't lay down this load one more time

I don't know where I'm headed to
Can only see where I've been
It should have been me on that far shore
Watching you make this journey across
But here I am, watching the rain pour in
Sitting still as I slowly drown

Not sure how to hold on anymore
The black hole of my world ties me down
I wish you had been a figment of my imagination
Maybe then I could fight my way free

© 1999

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